shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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