mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
