I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
what day is it and did you see me today?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
