you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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