checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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