You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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