perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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