WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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