Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
