question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We're too hungover to prance.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
There are leaves in my underwear?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
