Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i think i just lost a toe
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
