He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I cannot find my penis.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina