Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex