come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dating After Heartbreak
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.