Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.