So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
