Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?