i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
