i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
