Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
