I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
