i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just gift wrapped bread.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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