I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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