...so i touched it.
My balls are so social today.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize