if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
