when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
