Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
