i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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