Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
