you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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