Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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