That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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