He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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