Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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