Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
