my vag is so smooth its legendary
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
