he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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