Don't you send me to vm
I'm passing your future prison.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
