Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
