do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
