I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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