Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
