Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
