He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
this boner is exhausting
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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