Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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