So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
