I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
