just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
