Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
