is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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