Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
