i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
