My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
