Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
