mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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