my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
