i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
