maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
