ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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