shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
it hurts more in the daytime
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
