Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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