you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
