I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Michael Bay diarrhea
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
