I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
