My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
