He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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