Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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